my kid is. She is driving me nuts with one of the 6 shows she will watch. We got her when she was a month and a half old. I honestly hoped that my daughter would get her head out of her ass and do what was needed to get this little girl back. I held out hope that she was at rock bottom and this was going to turn her life around. We want so much for our kids to do better than we did. But I think to a point, we failed them.
I wasn’t your typical GenX child. I wasn’t raised by boomer parents. I wasn’t wanted by a boomer mother. My grandparents adopted and raised us at there own. They are from the silent generation. I know nothing about the generation they came from, I just know that my life was rough and we were to be seen and not heard. They believed in “sparing the rod spoils the child”. Spankings and harsh punishment was a huge chunk of my memories.
At one point, things got so bad at home, I got pregnant at 17, knowing they would make me leave. What I didn’t foresee, was them forcing me into marriage and signing me away. My first true relationship, my first husband, was just as bad as my home life was prior to our marriage. He was abusive in every sense. I begged for help, they saw the marks, and bruises, but I was being taught a lesson. It took me losing my own children to get away from him, 8 years later.
Life in their household was miserable. I came to them damaged goods. I was 6 when the state took us into custody and handed us off to our grandparents. I was traumatized and at 7, I was classified as manic depressive, with ocd, ptsd, severe anger issues and adhd with hyperactive disorder. At 6, I had seen, done and been through more than most young adults.
****Trigger warning – sexual abuse, violence, masturbation, abandonment, rape, suicide, neglect, physical abuse, mental abuse****
I needed to put this because this is about me, and to know me, I need to be completely transparent about myself. My life was not full of love, hugs, kisses. While I love my grandparents for taking us in and not letting us go into the foster care system, they further screwed up my chances at being a normal type of parent. And I can honestly say that I did not have the connection with my kids that I wish I could have. I didn’t have healthy relationships with anyone. I do not have close friends. I have acquaintances. I don’t do girls nights out, dinners with friends, shopping trips, road trips. I am very much a hermity person. I work in retail/customer service and I get more than enough socializing there. By the time I get home, I can’t people any more. At work, you wouldn’t know that I feel this way. I am rather sociable. Trust me when I say that it isn’t me. I hate humanity as a whole, I think our country is at this point a joke, and to be one hundred percent honest with ya, I am starting to see a lot of true in what the conspiracy theorists are saying. Our country and our american people are in trouble. That, is another post.
I find myself remembering the 80’s because even though my home life was hard, it was a different time and way of life. Kids had common sense. It was a natural thing to survive. No one had to tell us not to drink bleach, or not to eat tide pods. Side note, ya’ll ever look at some of the warning labels on items and ask yourself what exactly happened and to who to make them do that warning. My favorites don’t swallow hangers and don’t sword swallow a hot curling iron. I mean, who did this? I honestly pass time just wondering and trying to imagine how these labels came to need to be listed on these items.
Sorry, I get sidetracked easily. As a level 50 something, one thing that has been a constant throughout my life has been my adhd. Sometimes I can come back from it, sometimes I can’t. Right now, I am struggling to get back to what I was feeling before my brain ran off into left field and became lost.
Have a good one, and love one another.